What to do With me When I'm Gone

Now please
throw me down
I'm dead.

I died of a
gun shot wound
to the head.

In my life
my mouth
did blurt,

I do not
want to be
under the dirt.

Give me one
reason to think
life is a flower.

Then you may
plant me like
seeds to be showered.

I'd rather be
cremated and
flushed down the toilet.

Warning Label

Careful, careful...
Don't touch me there.
Don't come so close.
Don't breathe my air.

Don't open the door,
don't let me in.
Don't question my being,
because I'll try to win.

Be prepared for my heartache.
I trade pleasure for pain.
Watch me smile, but beware,
even white leaves stains.

If you like solitude,
singledom and one...
Stay clear of me, I'm
learning... I'm young.

Voluntary Grounding

Sitting on a cement bench
on the front porch, late at night.
It's dark outside, cars pass by,
bugs fly underneath street lights.

A horn is honked in Europe
and heard over in Maine.
Someone squeals their tires real loud
and it echoes through to Spain.

And it kind of makes you wonder
just how small the world might be.
How we are confined to just one place
because our minds won't float to sea.

...

silence...
and the win blows through the trees,
tickling the wind chimes
and disturbing the silence.

solitude...
and a group of words are said aloud
to bruise the innocence and
scar the solitude.

serenity...
and bird shit from the heavens
falls directly on any head and
ruins the serenity.

Untitled Song

It's the love in your heart
that keeps me warm.
An the shine in your eyes
makes me smile.

The way that you tell me
that you care about me
is what makes
it all worthwhile.

Just hold me close
and never leave me here to cry.
Because if you did, I think
I would have to die.

I just can't imagine
life without you.
Because you're the one
that makes my dreams come true.

Uni-solution

How do you carry on
when you're being pushed
to your limit?

When it feels like
hell is burying you
in its pits?

And you scratch and
you claw and you
struggle for a breath,

until all that is
left is your
last wish for death.

Who do you turn
to when everyone is gone?

And the hope
mixed with rage has
you choking the dawn.

The answers from
clearer when
closing your eyes.

Sinking deeper within
and erasing
the lies.

Magnifying the
truth and
uncovering the blame.

Reverse your finger
pointing and duck
your own head in shame.

Slumber now, angel,
on a cold,
cement floor.

And when you
awaken, don't think
of this shit anymore.

Under the Influence

Three times before
but not one like this.
With acid in my spine
and a pen in my fist.

Thoughts running wild
I seem to pay no heed.
It's a wonder, under such
conditions, I can even read.

I've discovered something subtle,
I don't know quite why,
but I seem to think a little clearer
with acid in my spine.

Truth in Weakness

I close my eyes
and think of lies
to tell the love
I do despise.

To say that I hate him
and wish he'd die;
but like I said,
those would be lies.

When in truth,
I love him so.
I asked for forever
and he said no.

So my burden is heavy,
only he lightens the load.
As for now and forever,
I'm alone on the road.

Trouble Doubled

It's amazing how
in just a few days
a person's life
can be totally changed.

One day I'm a child
the next I'm a grown up.
I'm so sick of money
I think I could throw up.

Responsibility is something
I have to take over, and
I'm not used to anything
except my dog, Stoner.

I'm getting no help from anyone
just a bunch of dead ends.
I can't borrow money
and I have none to lend.

Just like a baby
comes with no kit.
Life's the same way;
guess that's why life's a bitch!

There's nowhere to turn
and from here, no way out.
The hole's getting deeper,
and I just sit here and pout.

Trickle Destruction

Yesterday is the present.
Today is the future.
Tomorrow will be the past.

This pain and suffering
hunger and neglect...
How long will it last?

The fire is bright orange
like the color of carrots.
The rain is not pouring.

The trees are all gone,
the plants are missing
and the eagles aren't soaring.

Our faces are burned,
the ozone's depleting.
I need some lotion.

It is so hot,
let's go for a swim.
try and find me an ocean.

Transition

We walked in his office,
and signed our full names.
The we packed all our luggage
and boarded a plane.

Once at the airport,
we hunted for food.
Introduced to a TI
and encountered "the mood."

We rounded the corner
an caught sight of "the den."
All shuddered in fear as
we fell out and fell in.

The first week was zero,
we cried on the phone.
We walked around bug-eyed
and felt so alone.

Week one was better,
yet still a big test.
From breakfast to dinner,
then sleep through the rest.

Second week was long,
and SO uninvited, but
then comes the third and
we all get excited.

We've made it through evals,
we're awaiting the test.
And then off to warrior week
with the best of the best.

Standing in blues
outside the chow hall.
We conquered the five mile,
and now we stand tall.

Awaiting the bomb run,
the flags, and the band.
We are basically trained
in protecting our land.

I write this from tech school
two days until graduation.
Basic training was easy.
I'm ready to serve my nation.

To Stevie

I cannot write for you.
Nor can I write about you,
for you are my poem.

You are the perfect
combination of words
that I could never find.

No man-made definition
could ever describe you
or tell your story.

God told me a secret once
in the form of a life.
He named her Stevie.

It was the best secret
I'd ever heard.

To My Rescue

My guardian followed me home last night.
He stayed five steps behind.
He watched as I walked up to the fence
that held the dogs inside.

He watched as I jumped to he other side
and began to pet these dogs.
He watched as the black one's lips curled back
and he folded his ears and snarled.

With this, my angel jumped between us
before its teeth sank in my bones.
And the guardian lifted me up on his wings
and proceeded to fly me home.

Time... and You

Nine hours is a moment,
when it comes to time with you.
For every smile is a sunny day,
and every day is brand new.

I can't explain what you do to me,
or moreover, what I do to myself.
All I know is you've taken me
two times now, off the shelf.

This sadness and confusion
is part of why I'm here.
To live and learn, love and yearn,
in moments like New Year's.

And the mental notes that I take down
of a moment spent in your arms.
When all is right inside my world,
and I am safe from harm.

Add up to the book that's made of you
that I store in my memory.
So in times when I can't be with you,
I can take it down and read your story.

Time One

This is the first,
a poem while high.
The reason I'm writing?
Don't ask me why.

I'm not seeing ducks.
I'm up on their level!!!
This poem sucks...
I wish I was tripping.

Who says poems
have to rhyme?
Why do dime bags
cost a dime??

Why don't Reeboks
have a swoosh?
Why does Gavin
sing for Bush?

This is the first,
a poem while high.
Why can't weed
make me fry?

Three Years and Memories

The sun sets on this trailer house
in our small West Texas town.
A smile would be nice to see
because lately there've been nothing but frowns.

We're saying goodbye to my father
the cancer has set too far in.
This battle has been beat by few,
and he's one that didn't win.

His frail, limp body
remains sustained on the couch.
His tears, fear, and suffering
was all just too much.

Excuses, excuses, to leave this behind.
To drive westward, into the sun
only to travel around the moon
and return when his suffering is done.

God, please come take him,
hasn't he suffered enough?
I was sure he was immortal
but he's not THAT tough.

Lying in my bed
I peered up into the night
and whispered "goodbye, Daddy."
and then squeezed my pillow tight.

I awoke with morning's light
to find him covered in a sheet.
I walked past, about to cry.
My father had been defeated.

Now three years have passed
since the day of his death,
and memories of his smile
are all I've got left.

This Very Instant

Everything's falling down.
The walls all around me,
Crumbling in an instant,
my whole entire town.

The car I used to drive in
sits on my mom's front lawn.
I want to get so wasted.
I need a bottle of gin.

The cops are all after me,
because I have no money.
I got fired from my job.
I think my cat has fleas.

My boyfriend has a girlfriend,
and his girlfriend isn't me.
Give me a 12-gauge shotgun,
and I'll make his heart bend.

Throw down the stepladder,
to help me from this well.
I'll just fall back in, backwards.
So keep it, it don't matter.

The Work of Trash

Homeless man
on the street.
Hair is ratted.
Clothes are dirty.

He looks fifty.
A shower,
a shave...
He might be thirty.

He appears to be poor.
One day,
soon night,
he could go home.

Con is his name.
Man is his last.
Tricks are his game.
That is his fame.

Disturbing the minds
of people in cars.
They'll see him later
inside the bar.

Dressed in his suit
with his wife standing near.
People haven't caught on,
yet they will, he still fears.

The Wall

There is this wall...
this thick, rick wall.
And when I try to climb it
it just gets higher.

And just when I think I'm falling
a brick snags my shirt.
Then I'm forced to look up
and keep climbing.

A few more steps upward,
one large tumble down.
Covered with tears,
I know I can't quit.

No one to pull me up,
On my own to the top.
This wall's tilting back.
I asked for it all.

The Trip

On Wednesday I decided
to take a little drive.
I didn't look behind me,
and I didn't wave goodbye.

I simply drove straight ahead
for as far as I could see.
Then I thought more of the end
and how near to him I could be.

The grass was blue-green
and all covered in dew.
My feet got all wet as
I walked, thinking of you.

The car was still parked,
on the side of the road.
The engine still running,
I was carrying the load.

My shoulders were heavy
with guilt and sick sorrow.
The farther I walked,
the closer came tomorrow.

Little did I realize that
when I reached the end,
God's apologies and temper
were the things that didn't bend.

When I reached the edge
I took one last look around.
The sunset was bright orange,
and far down was the ground.

I took just one step forward
and started flying like a bird.
When I reached the bottom,
I left without a word.